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This April, it’s Autism Acceptance Month.
As an autistic adult, I can confidently say that the majority of autistic adults (myself included), agree that we need Autism acceptance, not the Autism awareness that Autism Speaks promotes.
The kind of awareness that informs people about the signs and ‘symptoms’ of Autism, as if Autism were some kind of disease that needs to be cured.
Oh wait, but that’s exactly the kind of ableist bull shit that this organization that claims to help autistic people actually believes!
I only wish I were kidding. If you’re new to the Autism community, and not yet aware of the horror that is Autism Speaks, I challenge you to check out this article and see for yourself.
Autism ACCEPTANCE, not autism awareness
Almost none of the money donated to Autism Speaks goes to autistic people. Yep. Most of it goes straight to research, all with the hope of ‘finding a cure’. There’s not even a single autistic adult serving on their leadership board!
Funny enough, the only autistic to ever serve, author John Elder Robinsion, actually left the organization when he realized that he couldn’t support any of their values! If that doesn’t speak volumes about Autism Speaks, I don’t know what does.
I could go on and on about why Autism Speaks is awful. But, the bottom line is that we need Autism acceptance. Not Autism awareness, at least not the kind that Autism Speaks promotes and makes Autism out to be some kind of tragedy that needs to be stopped.
Without Autism, our world would be nowhere near as technologically and scientifically advanced as it is today.. because someone has to stop socializing, do the actual work, and make real shit happen. It’s time that more of the world recognizes this, appreciates it, and practices more Autism acceptance.
what does autism acceptance actually look like?
That being said, it’s easy to talk about Autism acceptance, but still not understand how to actually practice it. It’s such a general term that’s easy to throw around, without really knowing what it means.
If you’re reading this article because you want to better understand and accept someone you love who is autistic, please keep reading – you’re in the right place.. also, know that you’re amazing for doing that. So many people never do. As an autistic adult, know that that makes a huge difference and doesn’t go unappreciated.
So, what does Autism acceptance actually look like? I made this list to demonstrate 5 main ways that you can practice Autism Acceptance. 🙂
1. Believe Someone when they Tell you they’re autistic.
If you’re reading this article, you’re probably well aware of this. But in case you aren’t.. when someone tells you their autistic, please believe them. They aren’t just looking for attention. It’s not all in their minds, and they absolutely do not have Munchausen Syndrome, a condition in which a person acts like they have a mental or physical illness when they don’t (yes, people actually accuse autistics of this).
If you don’t think they look autistic, I challenge you to expand your beliefs about what Autism actually is. Accept that Autism is extremely stigmatized, and the perception that you may have about autistic people may be totally wrong. Autism doesn’t have a look, it comes in all shapes, sizes, and flavors.
One autistic person does not represent all autistic people. If you’ve met one autistic, you’ve just met one autistic. We’re all different, and we don’t all fit the highly stereotyped picture of what Autism is supposed to look like.
I felt so much pain, sadness, and invalidation when people didn’t believe me before my formal diagnosis. I was so excited to share this newfound identity with some of the people closet to me, but not all of them wanted to hear it. They simply dismissed my feelings and told me there was no way that I was autistic.
That really hurt a lot. For years, it made me very afraid to tell anyone else, for fear of being met with the same invalidation. All I wanted was to be seen and acknowledged for me.
2. Practice Autism Acceptance by meeting Autistics with grace as they unmask.. especially when it’s a little messy.
Unmasking is the process of consciously rejecting the person that you subconsciously created to please others.. and autistics have created some pretty incredible masks to survive this neurotypical world.
(If you want to hear about my unmasking experience, check out this blog post).
Most don’t even become aware of this mask until later in life when they finally realize they’re autistic. Some autistic adults live their entire lives wearing the mask, never knowing it was there at all.
Unmasking will look like a different process for every person, but it always means being brave enough to show your authentic self to the world, knowing that you might not be accepted for it.
It takes so much courage and boldness to do this.. and it isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it’s incredibly messy. If you love an autistic beginning their unmasking process, the best thing that you can do is to be there for them. Listen to them when they need to vent, and extend as much patience as you can.
Unmasking should never an excuse to treat anyone unkindly and without empathy.. but it is a messy process that’s made a little easier when our loved ones extend a little grace to us.
3. See and accept all of who an Autistic Person is.
I’m beyond thankful for supportive people in my life who see me exactly as I am. In the past, I’ve been told that my Autism is a curse from the devil that needs to be healed (yes, really). I’ve specifically told people about my autistic traits, only to have them either disregard them or not accept them as a part of me.
Interactions like these have made me all the more thankful for those who see me and all of my autistic traits that make me, me. The strengths, and the challenges.
I want those I love to see all of the beautiful, unique ways that I’m autistic – like my abilities to feel things so deeply, remember weird, sentimental shit from years ago, and so easily consider multiple perspectives.
But I also want them to see the ways that my life is hard as an autistic person. I want them to know how hard it is for me to maintain eye contact in conversation sometimes, and that I’m not being disrespectful. I’m just doing my best. I want them to see how I often struggle with my lefts and rights, accidentally speak more bluntly than intended, and to know how hard I fight to transition more easily between tasks.
Being autistic isn’t always easy, but neither is being neurotypical, either. We’re all human in different ways, and being autistic is what makes me human. As humans, we all want to be fully seen for who we are.
None of us want the constant charade of pretending we’re happy and okay. We long to be seen for all of the things that make us who we are. Autistic people aren’t any different.
4. Don’t Accidentally Say things that give them bad feelings.
This is something that happens so often to autistics. In dating, with family, with friends, at work.. When this happens, the weight of others’ perceived judgments only give an autistic person more stress.
If you do realize you accidentally made an autistic person feel badly, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just continue educating yourself about Autism and vow to speak with more sensitivity and empathy next time.
In case you were wondering, here are a few examples of what not to say to an autistic person:
- Don’t tell them they they’re slow, or complain about how long it takes them to do things.
- Don’t try to pressure them into doing something they don’t want to do. Trust them when they tell you ‘no’ or that they have their own way of doing something.
- Don’t laugh at them for anything they do that you deem as weird or socially unacceptable.
- Don’t laugh at little mistakes they make, and especially don’t do this in front of other people.
5. Look for the ways that you can include and support them.
Every autistic person is different, and will have different support needs. Supporting one will often look entirely different than supporting another.
If they ask for your help, do your best to always extend it.. and know that they probably really need it, too. Because as an autistic myself, I know that asking for help isn’t easy. If given the choice, I’d much rather do it on my own than ask for help.
Support may look like giving them plenty of extra space, going with them to a crowded event, or helping them manage an overwhelming task load. Whatever the case, it’s important to strive to be sensitive to whatever the autist in your life needs from you.
Things aren’t always what they seem.
Even beyond basic support, we all want to feel included. Until about two years ago, I automatically always saw myself as an outsider wherever I went. I subconsciously considered myself broken, and I always felt like the least important one in every group I was ever a part of.. so I stayed quiet, didn’t seek people out, and did my best to blend in. Because, in my mind, I didn’t even have a right to be there, and nobody wanted to get to know me anyway.
It took me years to become aware of this story I’d been telling myself. Looking back, I now see what a bitch so many people must’ve mistook me for. Especially with all the makeup, vintage clothing, and almost constant resting bitch face.
When I think back to those years, I remember all the people who saw through that exterior. They pursued me and made an effort to include me, when I didn’t believe I had the right to be included in the first place. I’ll always be incredibly grateful for that. Now, I’m trying to do the same for others who need it.
If you know anyone who seems really cold and aloof, consider that they may not be aware of how they appear.. and that maybe they really do want to connect with others, but aren’t sure how. Extending kindness and friendliness in these situations can go such a long way. You never know the impact it could have.
Conclusion
I hope this post has been helpful, and has given you some practical, helpful advice for practicing Autism acceptance. And, if you’re a fellow autist reading this, let me know how you think I represented us 🙂 If you know of more Autism acceptance that’s needed that I didn’t mention, let me know what it is in the comments.
If you liked this post, please share it on social media and with anyone who may benefit it from it. Sharing spreads more Autism acceptance, which automatically spreads the right kind of Autism awareness in an effortless, natural way. 🙂
Here’s to choosing always choosing ‘red instead’ and not lighting it up blue!
